Dear Oldest Son...
As I write this, you are sleeping soundly. Even though you now dwarf me, in size, I can still see you as a little boy, doing things like "helping" me sweep the floor, or brightly saying, "Cookies!" when the oven timer goes off.
You talked early, and well, and I took that as a sign of things to come...an indication of intelligence.
And you are very, very smart.
But you're not that smart.
For instance, when you casually mention a new video game, and offhandedly remark about how it includes references to the inventions of Leonardo da Vinci, and takes place during the Crusades, don't think that I don't see where we're going.
Don't think that telling me how you'll have to probably use higher order critical thinking skills to figure out effective ways to kill your enemies will cause me to rub my chin and think, "Hmm...maybe Assassin's Creed is the missing piece of the puzzle I've been trying to solve, about "Peep" #2's education..."
I know you believe that you've figured Ol' Mom out, and you probably chuckle to yourself at night, rubbing your hands together and envisioning how I'll blink blindly the next time you toss out a factoid that perfectly illustrates the educational merit of Assassin's Creed, and stagger, zombie-like, for my wallet.
You're wrong.
And having your charming friends tell me things like, "Religion figures in big, in Assassin's Creed" won't help your cause. It only alerts me to the conspiracy. (In fact, if I hear "Assassin's Creed" one more time, I think I'll become an assassin, myself.) I'm just waiting for Grandma to tell me that she read a newspaper article about how Assassin's Creed probably accelerates brain development. Because I don't doubt your skill, your cunning...I only know that your premise is flawed.
Because you believe that you CAN figure me out. And I know that to be impossible.
Many other boys and men have tried to understand me, through the ages, and failed. The workings of my mind remain a mystery to the male of the species. If your father, an intelligent man who probably has more reason than any other person alive to want some shred of a clue as to what goes on in my head, can't get close, then I don't think you should take it personally that you haven't totally succeeded yet.
But you gave it a good try.
Love,
Your Mother
